Kids or career? The Herald Sun Opinion

I'm a little late in posting this given this piece by Susie O'Brien was actually published Monday, but when given the choice between career or blog, wine or blog and sleep or blog this week, the blog lost.

First up, I actually would like to eat any angry words that I may have spoken out against the Herald Sun recently. Oh OK, perhaps not all of them, any words written by Andrew Bolt are likely to leave a sour taste in your mouth and should therefore not be consumed, even after being processed into a contradictory argument by myself.

Why? Because the Herald Sun employs Susie O'Brien. And lets her write opinions. I may not always agree with her stance on things, but then again I'm equally as likely to argue with people I actually know. Head over to her blog for some really interesting discussions of topical issues (and some random comments by psychopaths, just to remind you that you're still reading the Herald Sun). Did I mention she has a PhD? Not that that fits with my views that I shouldn't be putting labels on people, but hey, contradicting my own arguments is also a specialty.

This week the issue was about how parents define and prioritise their roles while trying to obtain that elusive balance. This seems to be hardest to do while simultaneously being bombarded with messages from all around about how to do x best.

Living in the country, I recently thanked my lucky stars that I live where I do and am removed from the world of high pressure child classes purely designed to make parents even more guilty that they can't afford the time or money to get them there. 

Sometimes just being outside is enough

As it is, I feel guilty at work, that I have left a little part of me crying at the door of childcare (even when I know that it stops the moment I am gone). I feel guilty at home that I haven't done whatever task I was meant to and I feel really guilty about having fun without my little fish in tow.

This isn't helped by the external pressure from people like the one who complained when a colleague was away with a sick child, saying that she needed to decide what she wanted to be - a mum or a doctor. The lack of insight from someone who was obviously sick themselves was disturbing.

On the contrary, it has been really inspiring to enter the world of blogs and have the opportunity to read the stories of some amazing women out there in an encouraging and supportive community rather than the generally negative mainstream media. It really does give you hope that things aren't as bad as they seem!

So is all our guilt self driven or external? Do we really need to define ourselves in neat little boxes such as a "full-time" versus "part-time" parent as if the role itself stops when we walk out the door in to another barricaded section of life?

I have an aim each day to walk out the door and try and enjoy at least some of what I have to do - whether that is work, play or the stolen joy of a few moments of 'me' time - a necessity in order to remember that it is the sum of the parts that makes up the whole. 

As long as I am happy, and the rest of the family is happy, how I introduce myself to you is irrelevant as it is the package rather than the label that is important don't you think?

I know our music tastes might differ, and I could probably get over the premise of her tv show as an organic vegetarian in Spain (well, no, not really, Spain without meat is just a waste), but I can't get to grips with Gwyneth giving parenting advice.


Even her new year's "Clean" diet makes marginally more sense (I'm clutching at straws here. I'm far too hungry for protein shakes).


In a recent interview quoted in my favourite paper (note sarcasm, although the addition of Mia Freedman helps push it a little in the right direction) -  the Herald Sun, Gwynnie was quoted as saying that women who want to have children should seriously consider being stay-at-home mothers. In between visits to the personal trainer no doubt. 

This is definitely how I look  - just like Gwyn - all the time. Really. Complete with smile...

While I admire the fact that her husband has changed his own work schedule to make it family friendly, blanket statements like these don't help those of us who have to try and make work and parenting balance. Really it's hard enough without having celebrities demonstrating how different their lives are to our reality. That is unless any of you have too much money, oodles of time and an extensive staff, in which case, why don't we hang out at your house for a change. I promise H won't make a mess, maybe....

Home for stories before dinner

In my world however, things are a bit unbalanced today. I'm headachy and tired - it appears I can't sleep without interruption! H did survive his time without me with only a few tears as he searched the house for me this morning (yep, my heart broke a little when I heard that), and he has been a little grumpier and clingier than usual this afternoon (the typical - "I love you, no I hate you, actually I'm not sure, so I'll just lie on the floor and kick a bit until you sort it out for me"). I'm hopeful that tomorrow will me give a few more chances for me to win him back over - at least until the next toddler tantrum.