Today is a special day, not for the reasons that most of the rest of the world is celebrating, but because I have been married for 3 years today! If you are allergic to schmaltz, go no further and definitely do not go near the Herald Sun messages liftout (unless your name is Snookums, in which case, you seem to have several suitors).   

I am not especially sentimental. Or romantic. I am not averse to romantic gestures, as long as they don't force the eyes of the world on to me. I barely made it down the aisle, such was my fear of people looking at me! Did I mention I have to give a talk in public this week, with strangers? eek!

But make it down the aisle I did. And my husband was waiting for me, with equally sweaty palms (we are such a perfect couple - there, there's the schmaltz!!! I warned you!). Somehow in this crazy world, I found a partner in life who has grinned and beared it through tantrums (mine), sleepless nights (shared) and can make me happier than I ever thought I'd be.

So where is my lovely husband one might ask? Surely we have romantic plans, babysitters and the like? Nope - he's away for work, shut up in a motel room with takeaway and I'm on the couch with leftovers. Who says romance is dead?

Feb photo a day - Heart

Ahh, but wait, there is a twist in this tale. Tomorrow you see is the 10th anniversary of our first meeting. Due to the fact that this is true love (schmaltz again, sorry), my lovely husband will be skipping footy training just for me so we can spend the evening together (well, mostly just for me, the sore muscles from his last session have nothing to do with it, really!). A bottle of wine will be chilling in the fridge, my austerity measure gift will be given (amazing what you can do with $10) and the best product of this 10 year relationship will hopefully choose to go to bed early and we can kick back and relax before our own fatigue sets in!

Not the worst dinner companion for a day like today!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. May love surround you from all directions.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body" - Elizabeth Stone

Note for the internet cautious - this blog should not be confused with:

a) An unremarkable life (1989 movie)

or 

b) Notes on an unremarkable life - an S+M blog which I accidentally came across while trying to remember what the movie was about...

Other notes (this one mainly for my husband) I am not watching the shopping channel, I am watching a documentary about the shopping channel. Nuances are important!

Exploring....

Sometimes you have days where only first world problems exist and life progresses along in somewhat of a calm and controlled manner.

Success is measured in piles of stuff sorted and ready to be donated to charity and the chaos is temporarily reigned in (temporarily being the correct word).

Tiny wings (I promise it wasn't alive!)

Yum, dirt!

The unmasked crusader is happily terrorising the lounge room and the cat with his cape (sleep sack) dragging along behind him.

If it wasn't for the pile of smashed glass roped off behind the safety gate (formerly a souvenir from Italy) and the laundry basket full of business papers and receipts to be dealt with sometime before the end of the month, I'd nearly feel like things were under control.

Sometimes in between the madness that are the days with playgroup, swimming, music or childcare, you get the opportunity to stay home and see the world through the eyes of someone small. At these moments, everything else tends to fade further in to the background, work and the outside world with its depressing news seem far away and really, that's all you need!

The boy and his banana

I know our music tastes might differ, and I could probably get over the premise of her tv show as an organic vegetarian in Spain (well, no, not really, Spain without meat is just a waste), but I can't get to grips with Gwyneth giving parenting advice.


Even her new year's "Clean" diet makes marginally more sense (I'm clutching at straws here. I'm far too hungry for protein shakes).


In a recent interview quoted in my favourite paper (note sarcasm, although the addition of Mia Freedman helps push it a little in the right direction) -  the Herald Sun, Gwynnie was quoted as saying that women who want to have children should seriously consider being stay-at-home mothers. In between visits to the personal trainer no doubt. 

This is definitely how I look  - just like Gwyn - all the time. Really. Complete with smile...

While I admire the fact that her husband has changed his own work schedule to make it family friendly, blanket statements like these don't help those of us who have to try and make work and parenting balance. Really it's hard enough without having celebrities demonstrating how different their lives are to our reality. That is unless any of you have too much money, oodles of time and an extensive staff, in which case, why don't we hang out at your house for a change. I promise H won't make a mess, maybe....

Home for stories before dinner

In my world however, things are a bit unbalanced today. I'm headachy and tired - it appears I can't sleep without interruption! H did survive his time without me with only a few tears as he searched the house for me this morning (yep, my heart broke a little when I heard that), and he has been a little grumpier and clingier than usual this afternoon (the typical - "I love you, no I hate you, actually I'm not sure, so I'll just lie on the floor and kick a bit until you sort it out for me"). I'm hopeful that tomorrow will me give a few more chances for me to win him back over - at least until the next toddler tantrum.

I've done it. The hard part at least. I'm 200km away from my baby boy and life seems different.

With all the kids heading off to school and kinder this week, it seems a good week for firsts. My little boy is growing up and is gradually getting a life that is separate to mine. I still struggle to remember that H will like things that differ to me (even though he tells us in no uncertain terms), so just cause I hate a food, doesn't mean he will and vice versa. I struggle to remember that with the cat though who always seems to end up with foods in the salmon and duck range, rather than jellied pilchards and liver.

I have to keep telling myself that I am at work tonight to make our life better, but it's hard when all I can think about is how long it is until I can give my little man a big "squeezle". Leaving the house today was hard. While realistically I know that I haven't given him less time and attention than I would on other work days, it feels different when that time is overnight and if he needs me, I won't be there.

We had a big play this morning, with lots of stories and slides and a ride on the toy horse at the shops. My little man loves being "side" (outside) and the cooler weather was lovely to be out in.

Not all about being away is bad though. This is my feb photo of the day for today - "Dinner". I love  nothing more than kicking back in my hotel room and watching bad tv, having a bath without having to remove ducks and turtles first and I am looking forward to having a bed all to myself with a quiet coffee to start the day. The scenery here is beautiful with towering birch trees and willows weeping over the edges of a stream. Nearly enough to distract me from where I am.

Enough writing for today though, as the lump in my throat is threatening to overwhelm me. Who'd have thought that I'd be sentimental :-). I guess it's just the fact that although this is the first time we are apart, it probably won't be the last....

Good night until tomorrow Ham man, Love you bigger than a squeezle!

Today was a proper Sunday. Complete with freshly made coffee, eggs on toast, papers spread out and just the hint of a struggle to get out of bed. Luckily the little fish must have understood my need for a little extra rest this morning as he managed to sleep in too, to the point where we had to go and wake him up after we got up.

I think he was worn out from a evening with Aunty 'O' as he managed to sleep through the night as well. Fantastic timing really as after two nights out in a row, I've realised that a) I'm getting older and b) there's a reason people are doing Febfast.

We had a wedding to go to yesterday, a gorgeous outdoor event at a winery. I love weddings, even more so since I've been married. I know people don't have to get married in this day and age, but there's still something really nice about watching two people stand up in a room of their closest friends and family and proudly declare their love for each other and their ambitions for a future ahead as a couple.

It's been nearly three years since we got married and I'd do it again in a heartbeat (although my dress probably wouldn't agree at this point in time). H managed to sleep through the ceremony, but woke up for the photos afterwards. I'm a little bit excited at having my camera back in working order, so I might have taken quite a few pics yesterday!

The flower girl was definitely the highlight of the evening - she took to the dance floor long before the rest of us had worked up the courage and also took over the microphone at one point to sing 'twinkle twinkle little star'!

My little fish is an intrepid explorer. He has been busy climbing, crawling and tasting his way through the world his week. I love this set of photos  - the joy of figuring out that you can fit through spaces that your parents can't definitely shows!

Sometimes I can't quite believe how lucky I am to have the life that I do. The paper today really brought that home to me with an article about the inspirational Debb and Chris Meyer - parents who lost their tiny boy Xavier after he was born prematurely. Please stop by the Bears of Hope website to see some of the great work that the organisation is doing for other parents out there in similar situations.

Anyway, enough rambling from me today. I'm off to read as many stories as I can before the little fish gets sleepy as a pre-emptive strike against the guilt I feel about leaving him overnight for the first time tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Yep, the press is against me. No Age delivery today at all. Which is a pity as I really have nothing to rant about apart from that. At least not until Gina Rinehart gets a seat on the Fairfax board. That might change things. At least I'm still in the running for mother of the year given that my child isn't actually taking me to court for cash....

Some might claim that the lack of newspaper delivery is possibly related to the fact we failed to change the credit card details over after the little fish stole the card, (I'm waiting for the bill to check for spending sprees at Toyworld), but I choose to believe that the lack of delivery is the result of a personal vendetta. Apart from trying to hold on to its shares, I'm sure that our paper delivery is next on the Fairfax to-do list.

Waiting for Daddy at the gate - Feb 3 - Hands

Daddy's home!

You'll have to forgive me if I'm a little fuzzy this morning. I appear to have been kicked in the head. Possibly by a margarita, or maybe it was the appletini. I'm claiming last night as me doing my bit for the little people. Like the alcohol retailers. I was getting concerned that their Febfast profit margins may be a little lower, so I thought I'd help them out. Selfless of me really, but I couldn't just stand back and drink nothing. Have to love a mothers group catch up that involves just mothers. And food without interruption. Apart from feeling a little (ok a lot) older than the majority of the crowd by the time we left, it was a fantastic night.  I did spend a bit of time alternating between jealousy of the stick-thin girls and wanting to give them some clothes to put on, but in general I was content with my world. I had the perfect day really, with a small sleep in (it's all relative) and time to myself to get the house / my work in order. Just having that time to myself, to let my hair down a little and remember to breathe made me feel a little bit more like me again.

Feb 2 - Words (a wine bottle)

It's not that I'm not me when I'm being a mother, but when my mind is full of work tasks, home tasks and "mum! mum! up! up! up!", you can tend to forget what actually makes you happy in the world. I don't miss the late nights out (only a little) or the music festivals (way too hot to contemplate this summer!), but I miss spontaneity and the option to look at something you want to do and then be able to do it without a military effort of organisation.

It's such a conflict though, cause I miss my little shadow when he isn't there and I'm really not looking forward to leaving him for the night next week. I think until there are more hours in the day or I'm cloned, I'm probably not going to feel balanced, but sometimes all the little pieces of life fit together for a moment or two and they are the ones that you need to seize and remember to enjoy for what they are rather than getting caught up in what they could be.

The last of the summer roses

So it seems like the newsagent misread my thoughts from yesterday. I was expressing dislike for the Herald Sun, not Fairfax, but somehow I ended up with one copy of the Weekly Crimes and none of the Age.  Somewhere I'm sure there is a dissatisfied customer expecting a copy of the sun, but instead ending up with a broadsheet and likely bemoaning the lack of Bolt.

Due to today being a work away from home day, disorganisation won as usual and in the rush to get out of the house to childcare, there was no time to rectify the situation effectively, so I bought a copy of the Age. And the Australian. And the local paper. (And the Sun, but you won't tell, will you? It's a guilty secret, kind of like picking a scab. You know it hurts, but you keep going back). The shop assistant did comment that I was going to be doing a lot of reading. I should have known that it was optimistic to get through that much information, but I have started to feel that facebook being my only source of news might be giving me a bit of a one sided view of the world (or is Febfast really the number one news item in current media?).

I am taking heart in at least getting to read the Age and the local, but decided that two further spins on conservatism were more than I could take. I'm still claiming my high moral ground, but really as usual it is more due to my overestimation of the amount of minutes in an hour, hours in a day etc etc.

Note food stain in centre - can't even blame the baby for that one....

So we'll discount the local, cause the little fish and I didn't appear today (we're much more Friday edition type of people, surely, with the whole party weekend vibe and all), although their coverage of the closure of local kinders etc probably win out today. At least we weren't cut for a kitten up a tree.

That left me with the Age. And about 5 mins of reading time before work started for the day. Thank goodness for speed reading - I promise when you're waiting for me, it's not just cause I'm in my office writing blogs, or reading the paper, or checking facey - that at least I can guarantee 'cause apart from the fact it is a banned site, I get no mobile service, so I'm pretty much detached from the 'real' world for 2 days a week.

It was disappointing today to get to the article about discrimination in the workplace.
Apparently we had all better "get used to juggling work and motherhood, like every other working mother". For all those non-mothers out there, we are pretty used to juggling. Constantly and kind of in a style like the vaguely irritating circus performers on the Wiggles, with wobbly heads and eternally cheerful smiles definitely optional extras. Occasionally we drop a ball or two, but you know what? some of the time it is just due to a lack of coordination unrelated to being a parent, but I'm pretty sure if you had a cheer squad in the background, rather than sniping, it would make going on with the show a more attractive option.

I took heart in the fact that all this happened in 2002, and in 10 years a lot has changed. It wasn't that long before that when I was told in a university exam that I got bonus points for wearing a skirt (my legs were better then...) and just a bit longer still when in Agriculture classes in school I was informed that I should go back to the kitchen with the other girls. I'd like to think now that I'd be better at standing up for myself  (I'm useless in the kitchen and my husband cooks - take that Mr Ag teacher!) but sometimes I wonder if the real changes are only surface deep.

I'm a bit sick of fighting the outside world (there are enough arguments at home really, mostly ending in one-sided food fights) so my advice for today is to pick your battles and if all else fails, just throw a juggling ball at someone. Not your child obviously, or a Wiggle - you'd probably get lynched.


In other news from today.... 

I'm not doing Febfast. I may try and drink less on weekdays in support for all those smarter than me. I give no promises about the weekends.

My drawing ability with crayons doesn't equal art.

He's laughing at me, not with me

Breakfast makes me nicer. So does sleep. Neither were in abundance today.

I really can't juggle.

Single parents rock. I am on my own for the week and seriously cannot get my **** together. I don't know how you do it. Tips welcome.

I'm going to take the lead of @fatmumslim and try and make my photo a day challenge a bit more challenging (although the lack of a camera at present is probably enough of a challenge). Please join in - I like other people's pics more than mine!

Here's day 1.....

The world isn't such a bad place sometimes...

My version of multi-tasking involves writing blogs in the backyard (and staring aimlessly at the sky) while the little fish plays. Risky venture, especially given previous back yard escapades (refer to lack of camera above).

I'm married to a journalist. I should probably stop bagging the press.....